Growing up in Oakland, I was never exposed to any Arby’s establishments. It wasn’t until I was sent away to my grandparents’ house in Sacramento for a week (no idea why, my parents seemed to want me around every waking hour later in life) that I got my first sample of the house of roast beef. This was about 15 years ago, so specifics are vague, but one descriptor comes to the front of my mind: bluh.
Present day: I’m told by an anonymous source that they love Arby’s. This is followed by them chastising me first for not believing them, and then for judging a product I haven’t tried in 15 years. I realize that they have a point. 15 years ago, I didn’t like wasabi, salt and vinegar chips or pickles, so perhaps Arby’s has a more adult sophistication that deserves a second chance.
The following is based on a single establishment and your millage may vary depending on location.
Best Item Sampled: Curly Fries
The curly fries had been recommended to me by the aforementioned Arby’s enthusiast, so I decided to give them a whirl. Ranking high on the crispy AND curly meters, they did not disappoint. But not good enough to dethrone my favorite curly fries at Barney’s Hamburgers on College Ave in Oakland (Hollarrr). 7/10
Worst Item Sampled: Beef and Cheddar
My god. Where to begin? Oh I know… bluh. The item is comprised of three things: beef, cheddar and bun. It’s always a bad sign when a meat and cheese lover like myself thinks the bun is the best part. Seth was the one who ordered it and called it quits about 1/4th of the way through the sandwich. Since I’m known for being the walking trash can of unwanted food, I stepped up to the tray. Previously, I thought there was no such thing as too much meat. Lesson learned. Personally, I hate throwing away food. My current status of broke redoubles my efforts to eat everything I can.
The list of disgusting foods I’ve begrudgingly eaten is a highlight reel of human willpower and poor decision making. The Soggy Crispex Incident of ’05. The Day-old Chicken Sandwich Tragedy of ’02. The Found Salad Scandal of ’08.
I did not finish the Arby’s Beef and Cheddar. 1/10
Special Mention: Fish Sandwich
I’m a big fish sandwich fan. Some might find it idiotic to get a fish item at a place known for its meat. However, just like my mom must look at every bathroom in every building she goes into, I must try every fish sandwich I come across. The Arby’s offering was acceptable for a meat joint. A big soggy, but tasty regardless. 6/10
Best Restaurant Feature: Do-it-yourself condiment dispensers.
I’m a big fan of condiments, so any place that allows dispensing at the customer’s discretion gets a big thumbs up. You not only avoid the ire of fellow patrons when you cut them to get extra ketchup, but also the social stigma of requesting too much of something. I once asked for 10 salt packets (for a friend) from McDonald’s and the McDonald’s employee looked at me as if I had just requested a kilo of cocaine and responded with, “Whoa there buddy! What do you need that much salt for?” He was right to question, she doesn’t need that much salt, but it was embarrassing nonetheless.
Worst Restaurant Feature: Customer service bell.
Near the exit and above the trash can was a bell whose placard read: “Ring in case of great customer service” or something to that effect. Nothing says obnoxious like trying to showcase your own courtesy. That is, if anyone actually rings the bell. (See below).
Ringing this sucker doesn't pay the employee's bills and makes me assume any ringers are complete goobers.
Best Customer Service Moment: N/A
Worst Customer Service Moment: Breakfast Menu Inquiry Denial of ’09.
While I surveying the menu, I spotted the breakfast menu displayed to the right of the regular menu. Curious, I asked the cashier “Hi, are you still serving br-” but was cut off by his abrupt response of “No.” I don’t know if it is store policy to cut people off in order to expedite the food ordering process, but the non-existent line behind me wasn’t at the point of foot tapping quite yet. Feeling embittered and dishonored, I ordered my fish sandwich and sulked back to my dining party.
Best Condiment: Arby’s Sauce
The Arby’s sauce was the Alec Baldwin of the visit. Like with the Baldwins, I had grown to expect mediocrity with anything holding the Arby’s moniker. The sauce delighted me with its zesty flavor and a tinge of spiciness. Similar to how Alec Baldwin delighted me with his zesty flavor and spice in 30 Rock after years of lackluster performances that mirrored the quality of my first Arby’s encounter.
Worst Condiment: N/A… I love all condiments.
Link of the day: Das Racist-Combination Pizza Hut and Taco Bell (Wallpaper Remix)
A song that features two chain restaurants AND is remixed by a bay area artist? Perfect storm. Also, I love me some Pizza H/Taco B even though it’s inferior to the KFC/Taco B combo.
